The Trap of Comparisons: Why They Hurt More Than They Help

Genna Marie • August 27, 2025

The Trap of Comparisons: Why They Hurt More Than They Help

It’s nearly impossible to move through life without comparing. We compare ourselves to friends, family, coworkers, even strangers on social media. We compare where we’re at in relationships, how we’ve handled loss, or how we’ve moved forward after something difficult. On the surface, comparisons might feel like a way to measure progress or keep ourselves motivated—but the truth is, they’re often more damaging than helpful.

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Why We Compare

At its core, comparison is about seeking reassurance. If we’re struggling after a breakup, we look to see how quickly someone else has moved on. If we’re grieving, we notice how another person seems “stronger” or “further along.” If our relationship has challenges, we look at others and wonder why theirs looks easier.

This happens because our brains want a baseline—something to measure against. But the problem is, the baseline isn’t real. We don’t know the full picture of anyone else’s life, relationship, or healing process. What we’re comparing ourselves to is an illusion.

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The Detriment of Comparisons

While it’s human nature, comparisons are incredibly detrimental:

• They minimize your own experience. Struggles, losses, and relationships are deeply personal. By comparing, we unintentionally dismiss our own unique needs and emotions.

• They fuel shame and guilt. If your healing doesn’t look like someone else’s, you might feel like you’re “failing”—even when you’re actually moving at the exact pace you need.

• They rob joy. Instead of celebrating what’s working in your relationship or where you’ve grown, comparison shifts focus to what you don’t have.

• They keep you stuck. Rather than moving forward with clarity, comparisons trap you in cycles of self-doubt.

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Comparing Relationships

Relationships are one of the easiest places to slip into comparison. Maybe you’re looking at your best friend’s marriage and thinking they never fight, while you and your partner argue regularly. Or you see a new couple and wonder why your relationship doesn’t have that spark anymore.

But no two relationships are the same. What works for one couple may not work for another, and what looks effortless from the outside is often built on challenges you don’t see. Healthy relationships are defined by the people in them—not by outside standards.

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Comparing Negative Events

Comparison doesn’t just show up in love—it sneaks into our hardships too.

“At least I didn’t go through what she did.” Or,

“Why am I struggling so much when his situation was worse?”

This kind of comparison minimizes pain. Everyone’s threshold, history, and support systems are different. What’s overwhelming for you may not be for someone else, and vice versa—and that’s okay. Pain doesn’t need to be justified by being “as bad” as someone else’s.

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Shifting Out of Comparison

It’s not about never comparing (that’s nearly impossible), but learning how to notice when it’s happening and gently shifting back to yourself. A few ways:

• Practice self-awareness. Catch yourself when the thought starts: “I should be further along by now.” Ask yourself—“According to who?”

• Focus on your own path. Healing, relationships, and growth don’t have a universal timeline. Yours is valid, no matter how it looks compared to others.

• Celebrate small wins. Instead of looking at what’s missing, notice where you’ve grown—even if it feels small.

• Use compassion. Offer yourself the same kindness you’d give a friend navigating the same situation.

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Final Thoughts

Comparisons will always try to creep in—but every time we buy into them, we hand over our power. You are not behind. You are not failing. You are not meant to look like anyone else’s story.

The moment you stop comparing, you can start truly living—and building relationships, healing, and growth that are authentic to you.

🦋 As a Life & Relationship Coach, I help clients recognize when comparison is taking over, uncover the beliefs behind it, and shift the focus back to their own goals and values. Together, we can create clarity, confidence, and a path forward that’s true to you.

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Loss Isn’t Always About Death — And It Shouldn’t Be Dismissed

By Genna Marie • August 11, 2025

When most people hear the word loss, they immediately think of death. And while the death of a loved one is one of the most profound forms of grief we can experience, it’s not the only one. Loss can take many forms — the end of a relationship, a job you loved, a friendship you thought would last forever, your health changing in a way you didn’t expect, or the quiet moment when you realize a dream you’ve carried for years will never happen. Some losses are big and loud, others are quiet and subtle — but all of them can leave a mark. ⸻ The Many Faces of Loss Loss can look like: • The end of a relationship — Breakups, divorces, or even the drifting apart from someone you once considered family. • Losing a job or career path — When your role in the world shifts, it can shake your sense of identity and security. • The dream you thought you’d achieve — The future you imagined for yourself, whether it’s a career, family, or lifestyle. • Loss of health — Illness, injury, or aging can change what you’re able to do, and with it, how you see yourself. • Loss of a version of yourself — Growing and changing means leaving behind old chapters, even if they were good ones. • Loss through death — A loved one, pet, or chosen family member whose absence changes the shape of your world. These experiences may not all come with sympathy cards or formal rituals, but they are still grief-worthy. ⸻ Why These Losses Are Often Dismissed Society has a way of ranking grief. Death is viewed as “real” loss, while everything else often gets brushed off as “just a phase” or “something you’ll get over.” • End a relationship? “You’ll find someone else.” • Lose your job? “At least you have time to figure out what’s next.” • Dream no longer possible? “Just pick a new one.” While these comments might be meant to comfort, they often do the opposite. They send the message that your loss isn’t valid — that you should move on quickly, without giving it the attention and care it deserves. ⸻ The Cost of Skipping Over Loss When you try to push through too quickly, your grief doesn’t disappear. It hides. And over time, it can leak out in ways you may not even connect to the original loss: • Difficulty trusting people or opportunities • Resentment or bitterness toward others • Feeling stuck or unmotivated • Numbing yourself through distraction or overwork • Struggling to imagine a future that excites you We can’t heal from what we refuse to face. ⸻ Why Acknowledging Loss Matters Grief, no matter the source, is your mind and body’s way of adjusting to a new reality. Ignoring it is like trying to walk on a broken leg without a cast — you may keep moving, but you’re not healing. Acknowledging loss means: • Naming what you’ve lost and why it mattered • Allowing yourself to feel whatever comes up, without rushing the process • Recognizing that loss changes you — and that’s not always a bad thing ⸻ How to Begin Processing Loss You don’t have to have all the answers or a “plan” for moving forward right away. But you can start with small steps: 1. Name it — Be specific about what you’ve lost. 2. Allow the feelings — There’s no wrong way to grieve. 3. Find safe spaces — Whether that’s with a trusted friend, family or coach, talk about it with someone who won’t rush you. 4. Honor it — Create your own ritual, journal about it, or give yourself intentional time to sit with the loss. 5. Separate identity from circumstance — You are more than what you’ve lost. ⸻ How Coaching Can Help In my work as a life and relationship coach, I often meet people who dismiss their own grief because “it wasn’t as bad” as someone else’s. But comparison doesn’t heal. Coaching offers you: • A safe, judgment-free space to talk openly about your loss • Help untangling complex emotions so you can see your next steps clearly • Tools for rebuilding your life without pretending the loss didn’t matter • Support in finding meaning and purpose moving forward ⸻ Final Thoughts Loss is loss — whether it’s a person, a relationship, a job, a dream, your health, or a version of yourself you thought you’d always be. It matters. It shapes you. And it deserves to be acknowledged, not rushed through. Moving forward isn’t about “getting over it” — it’s about learning to carry it in a way that allows you to still build a life you love. You don’t have to do that alone.

Staying Grounded in Uncomfortable Conversations

By Genna Marie • July 27, 2025

How to hold onto yourself when things get tense Uncomfortable conversations are a part of life. Whether it’s a disagreement with a partner, an awkward talk with a family member, or confronting a friend who crossed a line — tough moments will find us. And when they do, it’s easy to lose your footing. You might find yourself going silent to avoid conflict, saying things you don’t mean, or walking away feeling drained and unsettled. But what if you could stay grounded, clear, and true to yourself — even when the conversation feels messy or hard? ⸻ 1. Anchor Yourself Before You Speak Before the conversation even starts, check in with yourself: • What am I feeling right now? • What do I hope will come from this conversation? • What do I want to make sure I don’t compromise on? Example Practice: Take 3 minutes to write in your notes app: • “I feel frustrated because I haven’t felt heard.” • “I want more understanding — not just to be ‘right.’” • “I don’t want to leave this conversation doubting my worth.” Even this brief prep work can shift your entire approach. ——— 2. Lead With Curiosity, Not Defense It’s natural to feel defensive when something lands the wrong way. But instead of jumping in with: “That’s not true.” Try: “Can you say more about what you mean?” “I hear you — but I’m not sure I understand yet.” This keeps the conversation from spiraling and helps you stay present without needing to agree. Example Practice: Pause for just 5 seconds before replying — and choose a “curious opener” instead of a rebuttal. Write a few go-to lines you can use when your emotions rise: • “I want to understand your point, but I’m having a reaction right now.” • “Let’s slow this down — this matters to me.” ⸻ 3. Listen to Hear — Not Just to Respond In uncomfortable conversations, it’s easy to listen while preparing your defense. But when we do that, we miss the actual message — and conversations become battles instead of bridges. Example Practice: Try this during your next tough conversation: • When they finish speaking, repeat back what you heard: “What I’m hearing is that you felt left out when I didn’t include you in that decision. Is that right?” • Let them clarify if needed. Only then — after they feel heard — share your perspective. This doesn’t mean you have to agree. It means you’re choosing connection over combat. ⸻ 4. Protect Your Calm Without Playing Small You can be calm and firm. You can hold your boundary without raising your voice. Example Practice: Practice a few lines aloud before the conversation — just like you’d rehearse a presentation: • “I want to continue this conversation, but not like this.” • “It’s important to me that we both feel respected — and I’m feeling a little overwhelmed right now.” • “Let’s pause. I want to respond with care, not defensiveness.” ______ How I Can Help If you’re facing a conversation that feels overwhelming, emotional, or uncomfortable — you don’t have to go in alone. I offer 1:1 coaching sessions to help you: • Sort through your thoughts and emotions beforehand • Understand your needs and how to express them • Prepare your language with confidence and care • Stay regulated and grounded — no matter the outcome Together, we’ll practice clarity without defensiveness. Boundaries without shutdown. Truth without fear. Message me to book a session. You deserve support that honors your voice — and your peace.

The Trap of Comparisons: Why They Hurt More Than They Help